yousssnake

We may be party animals
at night but god only knows
how the angels got my back
into this club
Yes. and you can be sure
that they are the Biggest
Party People of All Time
You remember how GOD and LUCIFER
used to joke.
i'll never forget
that time when
whatshisface said,
"Does this party ever end?"

at least once a day every day

we remember to take our vitamins
and a shower
at least three times a day
he reminds me that i'm hungry
at least then
i have to use the bathroom
and forget
that i'm human
too

You're angelic voice tone
made my bones shiver
in the dark lonesome
nigh and if ever there was
such a fright as
true love did exist
in these quiet parts
at least in our minds
at least in our kiss
in a moment
it did
like
the rapture
says.

It's 6 o' clock in the morning. My parents are about to leave i'm fucking hungry starving as per usual shortly after waking up. i finally slept i went to bed at something like 8:30. i slept like a child. like a baby if you will even tho i don't think they sleep much at night. Did i mention that i'm hungry? ok yes. let's move on. No. I'm not going to eat but anyways. They're about to leave to vay-cay as they say. Sleep was so good. I don't know what else to say, maybe i'm bragging again. shit. i do that. btw why aren't they awake yet? I thought they were leaving. I'm still sleepy. go to sleep. don't read.

There is a kite stuck in the

ലൈക് എ കിറെ സ്ടുച്ക് ഇന് എ tree

Gentleness is the strongest thing there is

"तेरे इस नोथिंग स्त्रोंगेर इन थे वर्ल्ड थान गेंत्लेनेस"

a bronze bull
standing still
in the middle
of a field.

Sleep deprivation

This is going to be a real journal. in real life. in real time. I've had a really hard time sleeping lately as i've written before the wheels are turning and grinding i can hear them and their rusty gears squealing keeping me awake. sleep does not come easy around here. i think and i write and sometimes thats enough to turn it off. i don't have any medicine to aid me this time, i'm doing it all on my own. Last night i meditated for the first time in... i don't know how long. Forever. Before i did i could feel my whole body tensing up it was getting sick i could feel it my stomach my head my throat my nose my whole body was hurting. STRESS. I get stressed the fuck out. for real. So i meditated it seemed like the only solution, so i did it. It was quick and short but amazing. I don't think i've ever done it that quickly and easily and skillfully. i let myself sink through the mattress and into the floor until i was buried in the earth and the earth welcomed me completely it dissolved me made me feel whole, a part of something. its hard to describe of course but it was fucking fantastic. the best kind of hug. and it told me i was healing and love. and i knew this was true.

freeze.

canwepleaseslowitdownthisistoofastformetobreathe.

You're Cheating.

there is no such thing as monsters

but if there are. they're gnawing at my thighs. living is hard because nobody can do it for you. and i like to take charge i like that my life has meaning and direction and drive and substance and all of the other ingredients to a good story. it's fucking fantastically boring and gripping and ugly but so pretty that i can't look away i can't stop turning the page i can't stop going. i just need a break. time off. game over for a second please. please. stop thinking.

I am the elusive bird
which time cannot capture
and take a picture of

I threw my fathers baggage off of the train. I knew that he had a mouthful waiting for me at the cafe. 2:13pm. I'm late. I will take my time either way. Who does he think I am to be carrying around his dirty laundry? I'm waiting patiently. For the right words to slip out. To break his heart with a crashing sound. But daddy please know.. I never meant you hurt you. You're my baby girl. You know that.

I want everything.

Right. Now. Selfish and Greedy. Ugly and Pretty. Stupid and funny. Soft and Hard. White and black and gold and yellow and PINK for god's sake. Give it to me. I won't take no for an answer, you fucking underestimate me. and my power. Lions do not go hungry unless they've lost their heart, their will to keep feeding. fighting. and eating. My Hunger is stronger than ever. I want to feast on every piece of meat i see and suck them dry. Even if there is Poison in their veins i will ingest their sickness and poke at their dirty sutures. I am thirsty too. There will be no remorse for the things I have and will do to get my fill. I am an animal after all. Simple and plain.

The wheels are turning my dear son and if it makes you uncomfortable to know things will never be the same remember that what you held in your hand was never yours to begin with and all that you see is just a distraction and illusion as we play hide and go seek and smell the flowers of injustice and beauty lay your hands down and surrender to it's sweet arrest for there is no such thing as free

High school Economics

Ain't no such thing as a free lunch.

They
Do
Not
Exist
Here.

Man is small
and words are cheap
like tomorrows history
time falls upon us
even as we sleep
for all of your sorrows
I give you my pity
as you are..

Your steps are mirrored in mime.

Hanging on the wall
like a cross
like a picture
bleeding
I sacrificed
my firstborn(only son)
for you.

Go Back

Goback
toher
bed
shewill
keepusafe
frome.

I was naked
in front of the mirror
again.
looking at a stranger
of a person
Who are you?
It asked me.
My reflection.
I was silent.
and i waited
for an
answer
to come.

GRANDpa read my fortune the other day
said that I'm going to be a movie STAR
by next MAY I said okay papa but that
SILVERscreen better shine gOLD for me
and he said that if I go to the right AGENcy
all will be USED &PRetty and I knew IT was TRUE
whathesaidtomethatday

Suburbia

I grEW up in the subUrb's wIth my fAMIly.
bRICKS. hOuses. frONt DOor. shINgles. shRUBbery.
ALL tHE saME. cuz in AMER-ICA we like Our hOmes lIke we lIke Our
whORES. I mean woMEN. fast and cHEAP.
bUt it nEVER bOTHERed me much
Cuz my mOTHER and IhAD preSCRIPTion dRUGS.
tHEY made us feel GOOD. EVEn when we were dirTy.
ThaNK gOODness. beCAUSE LESS water CONSUMptiON
WILLSAVE the diNOsaurs, EVENTually
At LEaST THat's wHAT sHE told me.BuT.
I nEVER believeD HER nOt evEN Once.

Red over Gold

I stopped wearing clothes a few weeks ago
People stop and stare and look
At me. and my Body.
I don't really mind much anymore
Some called me Mary Magdalene.
You Know the way fearful men are
Like wolves they will hunt you
Wise men know that blind pirates can't see gems
especially red rubies
a hawk more flattered by gold than beauty
souring off into the distance in search of...
another mountain

God told me

God told me
not to play with fire
and I got good and burnt
a couple times
He told me not to go near the water
less I knew how to swim
but I jumped in anyway
head first I did!
Didn't do me much good that time either..
and so i reckon that old man got it right,
at least some of the time.

I wasn't listening

I wasn't listening before but now i am. i think. iamithink. That sounds about right. As a daily offering take this bread for I am full. These table cloths are cheap. Nurse, hand me a drink. Take this cup and drink from it for it is my blood. my body. Tastes good. Take my offering it is my blood. My body. Tastes good, drink from it. Thank you. go away.

What a bath can do to a woman

It's been a very rude awakening. The world does not treat you kindly when you have expectations! Oh, how I had forgotten your cruelty! Now I remember all the worries that were washed away in my dreams. Here I am sitting in the same place I was a week ago only now it's the future. I fell into a coma. My body had forgotten the pains of being in a place like this. With things like money and parents and friends and neighbors and acquaintances and ex-lovers and mailmen and mailboxes and mail and letters and writing and typing and words with or without meaning. I am here. I have to put it all back in order again. Now i remember why ileft, why i had to leave. But alas theres no more hiding. I'm nude. allowing all to see my every mole, scratch and bruise.

lying with the cats they have my best and will always protect these sulky eyes and the brothers in the kitchen playing with the ants outside magnified their ignorance although a mother cannot blame her child for doing such for who are they to know all of her secrets? The father on the front porch with his loyalty near foot gives her patience in multitudes by holding what she wants most far out of reach and it is this power over her which has made us so weak and still she lies in wait and humble suffering for this is what solitude brings as we ingest it's silent beauty

making something out of nothing the gold from the trash can ceiling is dripping and my hands are wet and saturated with everything the colors of the rainbow as my guide to the see i am growing and building like a weed in this common place where everything is sickening and the weak go hungry WE ARE STARVING for that fucking money and peace and although i try to gaze out at it's beauty i want nothing but a piece of its ugliness to take with me and smear these pages with black ink incessantly because we all love things dirty and through our sickness we find beauty and not even the fake plastic kind but the one that glows bright as the morning dew stays week and glistening

how can you be so soft and hard at the same time? the earth is beginning to look more like heaven each day as i wake and take a deep breath it's softness tickles me through and through how can this be true? patience is a virtue that has proven itself to be worth more than a solid gold bath in a divinely lit picture studio

Well you were right and will always win a gold metal prize for them to tuck into their t-shirt pockets right next to their heart is where they will keep them for you safe and sound just like you wanted them too

How is that cage working for you dear sir? Can I get you anything, maybe some crackers? Yes of course, not without water. When is the last time you spread your wings dear? A week you say!? My that is far too long! it must be stifling your heart. Well yes! I could let you out, this is true but in that case you might lose what you cling to so tightly. Oh yes all that is yours in your little cage, all that you've created to entertain. I will let you out soon but only with the knowledge that you'll come back as often as you need to. For it is a long and lonely trail out there and wings can only take so much in this atmosphere. Yes, we all need rest sometimes for we all get weary and sleep deprived. Well, sing me a song before you go.