Where time goes

What happens in the Dark?

Upside down or Right side up?

For Marilyn

The leaves are turning
from red to gold,
when you coming home
we're all getting old

Every time I start to feel like I'm winning I have to stop and I realize there is no such thing as winning or losing. It's a never ending battle to survive this illusion these thoughts in between whats real and not real mean. If there is such a thing I don't know. Most of the time I feel like i don't even live in this world. I'm the last one of my kind... waiting for the shuttle to come and pick me up and take me back home to where I belong to where love is freely given all the time

Bill...

Love is an object kept in an empty box

Thank youz

Thank You Mom for giving birth to me on LIVE teleVISIOn,
(hope it was as fun for you as it was for Me)
Thank You Jezus Christ for hangin out long enuf to SAVE me
Thank You Grocery store Bagger for plastic wrapping my fOod
Thank You Mr handy man for returning my TOOLS in a TIMEly fashion
Thank You FASHION for making me look so darn good
Thank You Good for being Good even when i'm Bad, or wish to be
Thank You Starz for listening to my Wishes
Thank You PRAYERZ for being kind to my Friendz n Family
Thank You Boss for giving me dollar MONEY
and Last but not Least Thank You Moon for just bein there
Oh ya, and don't forget to thank ME for being soup air cool.

Your Welcome,

now say pleaz...

I had this strange dream that i was eating lunch with my mom in this cafe in the middle of downtown San Marcos but downtown had turned into this crazy hip metropolitan area with all these super model-esque beings walking around, we switched tables and after that i went to go to the bathroom? But ended up just walking around outside in awe like wtf has happened? I remember there was this fancy looking condo like building and the name of it was HERE in big letters and i was like thats cool i could be living in here now. Anyways so i went back inside the restaurant and the guy had brought our food to the wrong table so i had to move it and the whole time i was moving our salad to the other table where my mom was the guy was yelling at me in japanese which i mostly ignored and tried to tell him to stop bringing our food to an empty table. Anyways when i got back to the table and sat down my mom said she had been crying and wanted to go and asked where i had been and why i didn't want to sit next to her to which i explained i had just gone to the bathroom and to look around for a bit. WEIRD. Next dream was probably even weirder... i think it was like some crazy murder that took place in this weird old house eddie murphey? was in it and he was a priest dressed in all white who was being adored by all these women even thought he was a priest he was flirting with all of them... and then he killed someone i think and i watched the whole thing i just remember there being broken glass everywhere as i walked down the various levels of wooden stairs i finally stopped and sat on one of the levels and tried to start cleaning up the glass with my hands as my old cat came and sat down next to me i was worried about him getting cut but he never did... as i was scooping up the glass with my hands i realized that a broom would be more efficient and then i woke up... Very movie like

Fun with Ashes

I'm a plan of action kind of man... WOman. This whole gender role thing is confusing me.

Reality is Reality is Reality is reality is

John Foxx

So I've only been finding DEAD scorpions lately. I think I'm finally starting to win the battle, this is a good sign. I might not have to buy a chicken after all. Or maybe i will. Anyway i am overjoyed at this triumph over them! Things are starting to look much better around here overall. I have my work cut out for me still.

ha!

Hi!

Auburn and Ivory

Definition of a loner

Loneliness is not the same as being alone. Many people have times when they are alone through circumstances or choice. Being alone can be experienced as positive, pleasurable, and emotionally refreshing if it is under the individual's control. Solitude is the state of being alone and secluded from other people, and often implies having made a conscious choice to be alone. Loneliness is therefore unwilling solitude.

In their growth as individuals, humans start a separation process at birth, which continues with growing independence towards adulthood. As such, feeling alone can be a healthy emotion and, indeed, choosing to be alone for a period of solitude can be enriching. To experience loneliness, however, can be to feel overwhelmed by an unbearable feeling of separateness at a profound level. This can manifest in feelings of abandonment, rejection, depression, insecurity, anxiety, hopelessness, unworthiness, meaninglessness, and resentment. If these feelings are prolonged they may become debilitating and prevent the affected individual from developing healthy relationships and lifestyles. If the individual is convinced he or she is unlovable, this will increase the experience of suffering and the likelihood of avoiding social contact. Low self esteem will often trigger the social disconnection which can lead to loneliness.

In some people, temporary or prolonged loneliness can lead to notable artistic and creative expression, for example, as was the case with Emily Dickinson. This is not to imply that loneliness itself ensures this creativity; rather, it may have an influence on the subject matter of the artist.

unicorns in the stars
foxes in my yard
blue red violet shards

Crash, Burn, Destruction

Since i've started "detoxing" my dreams have suddenly returned it's like people get to nag at me in my sleep and it's kind of UNFAIR. The night before last i had a dream about my boss at art palace, an old friend and some guy who wants his movie back. Shit man. I usually have fairly plausible straight forward dreams. Last night i had a dream about being in a tornado a pretty hardcore one that destroyed a lot of the city i was in. I remember hiding in some kind of school establishment and crouching down protecting my head as glass shattered all around me. Pretty fucked. I don't remember feeling scared just like everything in the room was whirling around me and maybe even i myself was whirling to. Apparently this is a BAD sign according to the DREAM DICTIONARY that i referred to. I don't know and after all this i have the nerve to start feeling GUILTY when i was sure that that feeling was not in my programming.

Dear Blog

I got a job as a flower arranger delivery girl person. It's probably going to be the best job I've had yet. It involves playing with ribbons and strings and flowers and FUNERAL arrangements. I'm kind of excited mostly because i really won't even be working that much but i gotta make that MONEY stuff. Gotta make a living so i can fit in right where i belong. So i'm beginning to see that i have more of a scorpion problem than i thought. Today i saw one during the DAYTIME which is a first... i read a billion and one things on how to get rid of them and i think the best thing i read was to get rid of my fears and to love them. This is hard especially because i believe that kind of shit thinking actually works(jk about the shit part). Yes. So anyway... I think i'm done. This real talk stuff is BORING me.

You look like me

I knew this would happen. At 10pm i was tired and ready for bed and i said to myself, Self you should go to sleep now while you are still sleepy. And then i said to myself, Self you have to draw because you neglected all the things you were suppose to do for school over the weekend. And so i began to draw and while forcibly creating i started to think about how much more there still was to be done and how theres no real motivation in my thoughts to do any of those things anytime soon as i still have not settled back into the idea of being in school. So here i am it is merely 12am which is still early but i can already feel that tinge of insomnia kicking in again. I took a long nap today as my interview was canceled. The more i sleep, the more i want to sleep again. Yes but as usual i had to drag myself out of bed as people were calling with questions about my obligations and such. Well i do not know where this is heading only that i have too many thoughts unresolved. I am reflecting on all the reflections that i've reflected previously. Two infinite abysses reflecting one another the sky and the sea a well so deep, was that it chris? If it wasn't i think i wrote it better, of course. And so what else is there? Are my thoughts like yours? We must share something in common as we would not be conversing at this moment if we did not. Yes, you must be looking for something in me what it is i do not know. I want to stare at the stars until i fall asleep. My landlord is gone so i can stand out on my porch naked to the sky with the deer watching me. Yes, solitude is a wonder. I can hear dogs howling. I'd like to sleep or walk around garment less under the stars for a while. We shall see. Today in art history we talked about appropriation and it made me feel less like a thief and that there is no such thing as originality. Everything thats mine is yours to take and so we steal freely without remorse or pain. It made me think about things and what it means to be an artist. I had to repeat to myself several times today good things come to those who wait and some other poster book sayings. Grave and Graying. Why must i seek approval? A lot of the things we looked at were absolute shit worth a million dollars. Does it always work like this? The best thing i saw was a marcel duchamp ready made, the fountain(a mens urinal) photographed in front of a beautiful o keeffe painting (vagina-esque). It was brilliant if you ask me and pretty much summed up everything i think of anything these days. The beauty and the dirt are all the same it seems as one seeps into the other freely

Looking at the stars
and how they shine
why won't you fade
I saw firefly's tonight

Street Monsters

Everyone On PlanetEarth
Is Good Looking
How Could We stop
Winking Twinkling kingling
a head Full of Spaghetti
Girth and Warmth wormweed.
Wonder, Amusement, Astonishment, Special guests
(perks?) the works!
We All have Our Moments
Here On HeavenEarth

it's now or never

I'm going to start playing with my instruments, again.

Can't Stop

On a bench

If I forget does it cease to exist?