Poem

I tasted your pearly white teeth
and your tongue underneath
I got caught up in the blade of a knife
and the stabbing wound that would ensue
Where are you Marley?
We went both ways but separately
We cleaned our teeth and cleaned our sheets
This made up bed is too pretty!
Where are we to go in this dirty world?
A gala at the mall, a holiday spree?
These chocolates are talking
but not to me

Enlightenment

It is GOOD to be back. Who would have thought a little family holiday visit could be so enlightening. I think I'm officially out of the funk no more feeling sorry for myself or unworthy. There is nothing wrong with me, men can't control their biology anymore than i can. I was made to nurture and nurture i shall, and one day a man will come along and appreciate that nurturing side of me. I learned a lot about family and where i came from and how i came to be. I've come a long way and still have further distances to breach. But i can and i shall because my will is strong and my love is even stronger. smile.

WHOA

is christmas always this depressing? I can't remember but probably. At least on new years you get to party, if only i had someone amazing to kiss this year. We'll see, depressed as i may be i'm obviously hot and wanted but fuck, please want me for something more than my BODY, jk BUT REALLY. Oh journal at least i don't have to lie to you and thank god you can't speak.

triangle

I chose a triangle to represent my inner strife
I'm always striving to be a square, to get those even sides.
But i am just a triangle in between strides.

I'm back

I'm back baby! Resilient and strong

Hearing them take the trash away, everything is okay. It always is. It always turns out this way. Who could love life more. Maybe I've always been this lucky, but it never seizes to amaze me. I love living.

Real

I tried to cry today but I couldn't really do it. What happened? I used to be so good at it. I just want a good solid cry and maybe all the daze and confusion will melt away. I don't even know why I'm feeling this way I can't figure out what's wrong with me. I can't figure out how to fix the problem and change the pattern. I'm so scared of you going away from me I don't think i could take it again. My heart couldn't bear it so please please please this time don't break it. Things have been going so well! Why do I have to be scared? I need to be brave. I need to be okay.

to do list

get bike
buy typewriter
make movies
music
love