How do i say this to you without sounding strange? How do i fit into your perception of me and how I should or would sound? How do i keep up with this game and this face? I'm lagging. I feel restrained...theres too many people watching. My fault, i know. There are too many things rushing through my head, too many things i wish i could change and too many things depressing me. I come up only to be brought back down. I'm very tired and very lonely but i guess one of those things is only because i feel like i "should" be and i don't know whats expected of me anymore. I don't know how i should feel about anything i just feel very sad at the state of everything and this isn't like me. Theres something very big happening and i know i'm preparing myself now for when it gets really bad. I have to be strong and confident in my stance. I am a warrior in gods dance. But right now i am alone and afraid of everything that is to come. I feel so very sad and helpless. This happens to everybody but i am a rational person and i know myself well and i know this is significant because i do not pity myself in any way. I have everything but i am very sad at the state of things and as much as i shield myself from tv and news in general i can still feel the pains. I'm much too sensitive for these things i can feel the earth turning and breathing and it's at a shortness of breaths. It's been 3 years, do you remember? That was the first time i felt that the world as we knew it was ending and this time i can feel it with an awareness that i didn't have before. I didn't know why i was sad or angry or depressed all of the time. Now i know, this is my sword.