sleepy

this cycle is never ending

Over and over and over
over and over and over and over
and over and over and
Over and Over and over
and Over and over
OVER and over and
Over and over and over and over
and over and over and over and over
and over and over and over and over
and over and over and over
and
over and over
over and over
over and over
and over and over
and over and over and
over and over and over and over and
over and
over and
over and
over and
over and over
over and over
over and
over and over
over and
over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over
and
over
again.

and the trees are whispering in my ear
as i hear the sounds which define the word
in this unrelenting world
we put it all together and kept it in a box
it gathered dust among our dirty socks
with lipid spheres and rabbit ears
among the ticks and tocks
gathering and searching for

the way things fit together
I'm just making it all up
as i go along
a path
to find
the fine line
between
defined and undefined

FARTHER THAN ARROW. HIGHER THAN WINGS FLY.

THE BULL HORN it CRIES
LIKE AN OVERLAPPING PARADIGM
that CANNOT DIE
with sleepy EYES
WE BRUSHED ON our FABRICATED lies
TOWARDS the end of the COURT ROOM
hidden in DISGUISE
the dishes LEFT in the LIVING ROOM
SEEKING TO BE satisfied
THE WORLD IS SPINNING ROUND
like SOFT MAGNETIC thighs
ALTHOUGH I CANNOT KEEP IT FROM DOING SUCH
FROM ORDINARY STARES
WAKING UP AS THE DAY BREAKS
THE LIMITS OF WHICH CAN NEVER BE COMPARED
TAKING ME softly
BY THE HAND
A GUIDE
IN THE SAND
TO THE BEST OF OUR ABILITY
TO GO FORTH and SEEK
FOR THE REST of YOUR LIFE
THIS WILL BE
AS YOU CHOOSE
IF THIS IS MAKING ANY SENSE
THEN YOU ARE FREE
THE WIND IT DOES NOT THINK ABOUT
THE TREES
OR WHICH DIRECTION IT WILL BLOW
and NEVER LEAVE
IN A PLACE OF SUCH
PERFECT EXISTENCE AS THIS
the sun SETS EAST
AND ITS LIGHT IS INSIDE OF ME

An idea of the past

"HERE ARE ENSHRINED THE LONGING OF GREAT HEARTS AND NOBLE THINGS THAT TOWER ABOVE THE TIDE THE MAGIC WORD THAT WINGED WONDER STARTS THE GARNERED WISDOM THAT HAS NEVER DIED."

------------------------------------

IT CAME FROM A STATUE
AND FROM A BOOK
AND FROM A PERSON
AND FROM A LOOK
IT CAME FROM BEYOND THAT
AND FROM PLACES WE NEVER TOOK
IT CAME FROM THE STRATOSPHERE
BEYOND SPACES NEVER BOUND
AND WITH THAT MY ASSURANCE IS
YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FOUND

-------------------------------------

I had a very vivid dream that my grandfather kept falling. We were all walking together as a family and he stumbled once, he had a beer in his hand. Then he fell again and he had a pitcher, the alcohol was seemingly appearing out of nowhere but my cousin kept arguing with my grandmother that it was this lady who was giving it to him, she didn't want to believe him. He was obviously drunk, everyone was concerned. It was very upsetting. Before this all happened I was angry at one of my cousins at one point for being selfish and not helping me clean up things before eating, because i was wearing nice clothes and I wanted to eat first too. We got into a fight and after dinner was when the stumbling happened, nobody knew he was drunk until then... and even then it wasn't until the second fall that everyone really knew it. After that i saw him playing guitar to some girl. My grandpa is an alcoholic and he's been one for nearly his whole life, he's in his early 70's. In the end of the dream a choir was singing something about real ghosts and fake ghosts i think. I fear he might be falling, or worse already fallen. I knew that it was my families problems that had lead him to drink, i could see the pattern.

A story

"Look into the emptiness and hear him far off
Whistling lightly out of his mocking lips,
I edge into bed-- I wish i could sleep!
But sleep has turned into a frightened bird,
Difficult to catch, to hold, yet easy to kill;
Whistling he flies off, his voice full of bitter disdain,
The rustling of a wing, away in the straining wind."

This reminds me of a story my friend told me today
about a bird that flew into a window and landed in his lap
dying the bird fell to the ground and slowly stopped moving
did it merely want someone to acknowledge it's death?
I'm not sure, it's open to interpretation.

This is not a fairytale

but i like it just the same

The time is now
the hour is long
we're brushing dusty shoulders off
I look to the west and see nothing
but a vast expanse
the true nature of my existence
I'm coming close
to begin again at the beginning
going back to places long past visit
and the stars are calling my name tonight
I am the light which warms the moon at night
and when it fades i am the darkness
in our falling voices

the restless girl she waits
for the song of the dove
and the stars up above
to tell her what to do
whisper in my ear sweet sparrow!
I'm ready and willing
listening to your call and becking
she must stop writing
a part of her is dying
as another is born

I knew an old man who once used to say
when the going gets tough get going
So he'd run and he'd run for miles on end
until the daylight would stop showing
He found him a place a nice bed he could lay
and dream away his worries
until an angel came
and kissed his face
when the daylight breaks and the sun it shines
it'll wash away all those fine lines
when the moons full and bright
on a cold christmas night
you'll remember the end of the story

Social Decay

It only happens in your mind.

Melody sings to me in my sleep
The castle walls are burning
we must not wake the king
leave him there to sleep on his throne
may he die among riches and dream a pleasant dream
the castle walls are burning
but the king will sleep easy

all the masks are gone
we burned them in the barn
it took a while to gather them all up
but once we did there was beauty in its falsity
with nothing to wear we walked around nude
in the forest
i can still smell them burning
but i think thats ok
what shall we destroy next?
the city?
I see them burning when i close my eyes
and i think i'm ok with that too
i'm ok with everything
it's just temporary

I am the river that cuts through the tree's
No, you are a rock he said. You're a rock!
But i knew better, i was both once
A river and a rock
the path and the bolder
as he came closer i could hear
the wind in the trees and time stopping

There is something that i wanted to say to you
I wrote it in a letter, with a pen in red ink
i left it on your doorstep, you must not have seen it yet
I wrote you a letter, but i didn't know what i wanted to say
maybe that the idea of you is like the plague
or that you are the bane of existence
the creator of of all things good and ugly
None of it made sense, just that you were everything
even the things i hate most because i love them too
you are everything that never was and never will be
i wrote it in red ink. it said, you are everything.
after i wrote it, i took it back and wrote nothing.
i could never figure out the distance between
here there, everything and nothing
i could never find a device that could measure the gap
there is no instrument to guide me
only you would know precisely

I've been exercising the use of excessive profanity lately... I'm not sure why or where this is going i just know that it's fucking happening. shit.

just remembered i watched tv recently... this could be it. gotta blame something. SOCIETY.

I like that the air is green again, every year i forget how amazing spring is. GREEN EVERYWHERE. It makes me feel abundant and fresh.

MY WORDS ARE MERELY AESTHETICALLY PLEASING.
thinking about posting sketchbook entries soon.

WHAT AM I IN CONTROL OF?
WHAT IS FREEDOM?
IS IT REAL

OR

IS IT AN ILLUSION?
I HAVE YET TO DECIDE.
MAYBE A LITTLE OF BOTH.

Moving to the country side

gonna reconvene with nature.

She didn't know who to turn to
so she turned to herself and said
"we've gotta go"
Where, she didn't know.
but it had already been decided
by the hands of fate
and whoever else
might be along for the ride
She looked forward to the hours
of convening with the roots sometimes
but she dare not delve too deep
as much as she loved the earth
she was bound to stay above it
for a little while longer
to wake up with the sunrise
and hear the bird call
to bathe in the moonlight
and watch the leaves fall
and return to life.

I've lost touch
and need to get back quickly
or else a breeze
might soon blow me over
The ocean breathes
and sings to me in my sleep
lulling my restless sheets
he's coming for you
says the sea
i open my eyes
and see nothing
but

Why?

I can't figure it out.

Where
There
here
There
Where
There
here
Where
There
here
Where
There
here

You act differently when you're around me
My eyes are spy's
and the crowd, they laugh so loudly
at our misfortunes
in grand operettas
because it's more entertaining that way
they sway to our song and sound
of tarnished gold and the world moving
When they come to our play
we'll have some rum beforehand
and say "All the tarnished gold in this town
cannot be held by one man alone!"
And because we know
our tears become the drool in their beaks
our pain their pleasure
and floor boards squeak
and the floor boards...
are you listening?