Things have picked up immensely. I should be excited probably. Things are going well I think, career wise at least. But I need more time to think and create to the best of my ability and I really don't feel like I'm in the right space to do so right now. MONEY is a fucking issue. TIME is an issue. Ability is not an issue but dedication is necessary, selfishness is necessary. I've "wasted" a lot of my time on other people when I should be focusing on myself and my abilities and my ideas. And it kind of scares me to think about doing so again. to think about doing something for myself. to being alone. I should have known all along. I wish i could throw things away and start over with a clean space. Maybe even give my cat a new home with better care. There are too many things that I'm juggling. And it pains me because i love everyone and everything to the point that it exhausts me and i just don't have time or room for all of it anymore. I need to start focusing on my dreams and the person I'm becoming, the artist that i am. I need to focus on me.