Another

I am full.
and loving it.

I win.

yep.

I am

funny.
I am french.
I am sexy.
I am smoking a cigarette.
I am. I amz.
I aming. Iami.
I am me.

I am

a sponge.

One day

Everything is coming together beautifully once again. Everything fits. It's amazing the way this happens. I've finally become like water like Bruce lee says. I can see how everything congeals. The way all these pieces fit together and how moving only takes effort if you don't want to do it. I know how to move and I understand again until the next obstacle presents itself. My life is a series of steps along a path that i can now trace up to this point. I am completely at ease with all of it. I have become a miniature idol of the person I've always dreamed of. I can be proud and hold it in my hand in admiration until a statue is made in stone that bears my name. All the things that I've been reflecting upon have now lead me to water which is reflective in itself but without vanity. A triumph over my ego finally! I am glad to be in this space for now.

What are you searching for?
Big river, the way you turn
the way you change is so magnificent
a single body composed of many things
the way you flow is breathtaking
we call it a river but what it is
is change.

sum cawl it f8

sum cawl it f8
the way u found me
sum cawl it fortune

the way you left me
sum cawl it fame
the way you saw me
sum cawl it
and sum don't

hey

i want to love you, but you're making it so hard for me

I can feel everything and everyone begin to blur together as one. I can no longer distinguish anything as being separate from myself. This is both a good and bad thing. But really no judgment can be made. The upside is that I feel fairly connected and free to move and flow as i please without being judged for my actions. The bad thing would be a vast indifference and feeling of apathy assuming that everyone is the same. I can not accurately say at the moment that i hold any one persons relationship to me as being any closer or any more distinguished than any other person in my life. Everyone is equal and everyone is the same, past or present. This is unsettling. A shift in perception is occurring just knowing that a part of me is in everyone else. It makes me feel scattered and unimportant. If there is no one to distinguish themself from everyone else in my life then what is there? Where is this person? The one i long to meet, to open my eyes wider than ever before, where is this person? I am ready to be understood and to be cared for and loved.

Future Present

I wish i could remember my dream, i know it was an intense one and i know i've been mumbling about art in my sleep. That's probably why i'm not sleeping right now at 8am on a school day. I'm excited about starting a new chapter. And all of this points to one question. Do i really have a choice? No. I thought i had chosen to be a teacher, maybe, but it hasn't chosen me yet. So far life has chosen to make me into an artist, or i chose that somewhere along the way and had forgotten what it meant. Or maybe i've simply discovered another layer. Everyone knows that a tiger can't change it's stripes. So my stripes are solid and creative juices are flowing at a capacity never seen before. I couldn't be MORE excited. AND i could be done in a year and on my way to merrier things! We shall see.

can't sleep

school starts up again tomorrow. It's been a great week even after being sickly. This year is going to be about learning how to love properly. So far it's going great. I don't need a psychic to tell me i'm on track or that it's going to be a great year. I already know and i'll fucking say it again i love living. ok i'm going to try to sleep.

there is more to life than just living
there is more to love than just loving
there is more to give than just giving

Handpicked from a basket
like god and the fruit he created
someone once told me it wasn't an apple at all
and that the "big book" was written by the devil
i laughed and said i'd never read it
I've always felt that the devils music is better than reading
and so we keep sinning and reading and sinning
until we find a reason to listen to dizzy gillespie while drinking.

I was walking on white clouds one day
When i remembered a time when she reached over
and gave you a kiss, on the lips
and it was certain then that things had changed
it's like an art movie without cocaine
Or the rustling of the wind in between something thats been said
There, but only faintly.

Refreshing

Since I've been "back" I've put much of my time and energy into cleaning, organizing and creating space. I haven't called or talked to anybody. These are the things that truly satisfy me, improvements. I have collected many things and images over the years and it's time to throw some of those images things away. It's really quite liberating. Anytime i start feeling like i might be getting sick i start cleaning. Things are almost ready.

I know

Nothing.